Skinny Bitching by Jenny Lee

Author:Jenny Lee [Lee, Jenny]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-0-440-33569-6
Publisher: Random House Publishing Group
Published: 2005-10-15T00:00:00+00:00

HOW TO START A NEW DIET, YET AGAIN

Your dieting track has been less than desirable. You’ve had some successes, but you’ve had even more failures. And frankly you’re sick to death of diets in general. You can’t even remember the last pure food experience you’ve had—meaning that every single food item is always categorized (high protein, high fat, high calories, etc.) and then recategorized (this doesn’t work for the induction phase in Atkins, but it works for Phase 1 of South Beach, and I’m pretty sure that it’s nowhere near the Zone …), and as soon as you eat it you’re already trying to figure out whether you should be super-guilty, a little guilty, or maybe even proud of yourself.

Your brain, which has always struggled with math, has now been completely taxed by the whole new language of dieting. (Net carbs equals real carbs minus fiber minus sugar alcohol minus ahhhh, who gives a damn.) Your whole experience with the Weight Watchers point system was a complete disaster, since you would always run through your entire point allotment for the day by noon, and then for the rest of the day you would make these slippery little promises to yourself, swearing that you’d make it up tomorrow. (Basically, the lesson from that experience was that you should steer clear of Vegas.)

Lately, you’ve even been thinking that you might forgo your allegiance to any one diet in particular (you were so good to them, but they were never as good to you) and even try just eating sensibly for a while, though who knows if you even understand what that means anymore. (You may have lost all credibility by carrying around those paper cutouts of chicken breasts from your book on portion-control eating, which you dutifully pulled out every time you ate out, to compare the sizes.)

But you really are tired of the high-speed dieting train that you’ve been on for the last fifteen years, and you long to just stand on solid ground once more. No more superstitions to follow (you always preferred to start diets on Mondays, and better yet if it was the beginning of the month and a Monday—that just gave you chills). No more journals with inspirational quotes from strong women (“A woman needs a diet like a fish needs a bicycle”) that you would only use for a week and then toss aside. No more dieting calendars with days crossed off, or smiley faces, and never again will you write, “You Go, Girl!” Why? Because you’ve gone, gone, gone (all right—but to the fridge, to McDonald’s … just never to the freakin’ gym).

You feel liberated, and you celebrate with your first Snickers in over three months. You know this because the day before you started your last diet you wrote on your calendar, “My last Snickers bar ever.” Throw that calendar away. Feel better. Think about throwing away your stack of diet books, but don’t because they were expensive. Hide them. Feel better. Put your scale in the closet, and slam the door.

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